Why would God let this happen to children? (Moore, OK Tornado Deaths)

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I was asked to answer this question last night: Why would God let this happen to children?

questionHere is my feeble attempt to answer this difficult question:

As a resident of the OKC area and a person who has seen several disasters and been in the midst of the rubble; the OKC bombing in 1995, the May 3rd, 1999 tornado, and now the May 20th, 2013 tornado, I will try to answer the question that is on many people’s minds, “How God could let this happen to children.”

First of all, let me say that I am not a theologian. While there are many more people better qualified to answer such a deep, spiritual question, I don’t think anyone can arrive at “the perfect answer.” We have a limited understanding of godly things, as human beings.  We are capable of so much love and at the same time so much evil, it can be hard to grasp even the simplest of daily events in our lives.

There seems to be so much “randomness” in life. Yet, in the randomness there is also a vast amount of predicability. Every day contains 24 hours. Every day the sun rises as the Earth rotates at the perfect tilt to enable the four seasons. The Earth is exactly the right distance from the sun to prevent it from freezing or burning up. Our hearts beat without us thinking about it. A newborn baby draws breath immediately after birth, even though they were living off of their mothers blood supply, seconds before their birth.

In the chaos and tragedies there is also randomness and predicability. Some people survive and others perish. Some neighborhoods escape and others are destroyed? What is predictable is the response to such tragedies. It is usually consistent and I have seen it in all three disasters that have impacted my city. As survivors, we tend to examine our circumstances and reflect on our lives. Facing the fact that we will all someday die is the ultimate reflection on who God is and what relationship we have with our Creator. People view their own mortality and question why they were placed upon this Earth and ask what is their purpose in life? Without our own mortality, we would all live unconnected with each other and without a desire to know God.

Only God knows why some are saved and others are lost. The question to ask is not “How could God let this happen to children?” The right question to ask is, “what would give real meaning to life?” For me, the answer is to worship and serve the One who created everything. God gives us life so that we will worship and serve Him. God sometimes takes life to show us how precious life is. This thought is hard to swallow, but God is God and we will understand it completely someday.

I pray that this will give some comfort, even though comfort is hard when there are no perfect answers. God does not guarantee us a completely calm or perfect life. God does guarantee a perfect reward for those who are going to be called His children. That reward is to be in His presence. The children are already in His perfect presence. If they could speak to us I believe they would say, “Don’t wish me back. This place is too great to return.  Come join me someday soon.”

Reflect at times like these.  Love like every day will be your last, and find the purpose and meaning for your life.

Our thoughts and prayers are with all of those affected by the tornadoes in Moore, Oklahoma.

Which could we survive without longer, fire or water?

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As I often do, I had a thought while spending some time behind the wheel, better know as “windshield time.” Which could we survive without longer, fire or water?

The obvious answer is fire of course, but think about life without fire or water. Without fire we would be cold in winter. Without fire we would be eating raw meat, raw vegetables, and cold fruit. Our water, drawn from a stream, would be poisonous. We could survive, but we would be uncomfortable, sickened with disease, and left with an ache in our bellies. Without water we would die in just a few days. We would be unclean and wreak with body odor that would make a dump smell sweet. Of course, we wouldn’t notice because we can rarely smell our own stink. Our thirst would be the most dominant thing in our lives. We would be unsatisfied and doomed to experience the end of life.

Now think of sin as fire.

Fire burns and destroys and yet can be used to purify gold. Fire causes us to pull back when the heat is too intense. Fire can transfix our minds when we look into a burning fireplace. The flames and glow can be captivating, much like sin that looks so attractive. Fire can draw us to it. Fire can provide warmth on a cold night. Sin promises to do the same, although getting too close can destroy us. Our past experiences with fire let us know how dangerous fire can be.

Think of water as redemption.

Water can purify and wash us clean. Water can quench a thirst that can seem overwhelming. There is nothing more refreshing than a cool drink of water on a hot summer day. Water can return life to plants and long dormant seeds. Boiling water can kill bacteria and viruses that attempt to invade our bodies and make us ill. The woman at the well had been playing with fire her whole life. Jesus simply offered her “living water.” Living water is God and His word. With God’s living water, He promises we will never thirst again.

Are you trying to satisfy your thirst with living water or are you playing with fire? It’s time to put out the fire of sin in your life. Water always beats fire, but you have to fill the bucket of your heart with living water first before you can distinguish the fire of sin.

You can exist without fire, but you can live and never thirst again with living water.

Men Living Up Radio

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Men Living Up has embarked on a much needed media forum; Men Living Up Radio. With so many challenges for today’s Christian men, we believe that men want straight talk, honest answers, and music that speaks to men’s souls. Don’t get us wrong, we love women. Men Living Up glorifies, loves, cherishes and honors women as God’s word commands us.
Men need to have answers to the most challenges issues in being a man in today’s heavily sexualized and provocative world. Satan has many tools to distract and weaken Christian men. Men Living Up wants to provide a safe-place for men to enjoy being a “Christ-like” man while learning how to face the roadblocks that enter our lives.
Tell your friends about Men Living Up Radio. Visit our streaming broadcast at: www.menlivingup.org/radio.htmlradio2_small

Just a few weeks away

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It has taken almost a year, but we are finally just a few weeks away from the official release of my book, “My Father’s Stash.”  Here’s an excerpt from chapter titled, “God and Sex.”

My Father's Stash

My Father’s Stash

God designed sex.  He made it to be something enjoyable and pleasurable between a man and woman joined together in a holy matrimony.

So, why is it so hard for us to talk about sex?  Why do pastors avoid the topic like the H1N1 flu bug?  Why do churches offer help only after men and women get into trouble.  Why are churches failing to teach about healthy human sexuality?

One word; FEAR!  What percentage of today’s adults do you think have had the “sex talk?”  What percentage of today’s adults had a clue about sex after the “sex talk” with one or both of their parents?  Most of the men and women I meet didn’t have a “sex talk” at all.  Why are parents so afraid to talk about sex with their children?

Most parents aren’t comfortable talking about sex because their parent’s weren’t comfortable talking about sex.  Many parents inherited their parent’s belief that sex is not to be talked about.  Sex is an embarrassing, uncomfortable topic for most parents.  They think, “what if little Johnnie asks me a tough question?”

Here’s one theory (it’s my theory, so take it for what it’s worth).  Our society has moved away from an agriculturally based economy to a city-based economy.  The vast majority of people do not live on farms anymore.  In past generations, nearly everyone was raised on a farm or worked on a farm.  I hate to get graphic here, but… when you grow up on a farm there are a lot of animals procreating all of the time.  Little eyes growing up around animals figure out what sex is pretty fast.  It was not uncommon for the family to talk around the dinner table about bringing in a bull to fertilize a heifer, or multiply the herd.  It wasn’t perverted; it was natural and part of the process of life.  Life continued because of sex.  Babies or little calves were born because of what the boy bull did with the girl cow.  Animals provided an easy way for children to naturally learn about reproduction.  Children’s natural curiosity led them to ask questions.  Parents could answer their questions using the examples the children saw during a normal day.

Fast forward to today’s world.  Parents avoid the “sex talk” entirely.  It’s not uncommon to hear a father say, “he’ll learn on the street just like I did.”  If you don’t teach your children, then who will?  What examples do our children see to learn about sex?  Stew on that answer for a little while.  “Reality” television teaches that sex is fun, acceptable, risk free, safe, and requires that everyone feel good all of the time.  What is shown today in movies, television, and pornography rarely teaches about the natural tensions in real relationships that are an integral part of healthy human sexuality.

Church is probably the worst place to learn about human sexuality, because the church is almost completely silent on the topic.  The Bible is not silent about sex, but its instructions about sex are pretty general.  There is a lot that God wanted the husband and wife to figure out on their own.

God designed marriage.  The first marriage occurred when God created Adam and provided a helpmate for him, Eve.  This union, or marriage, was approved, designed, and ordained by God.  This was our first example of marriage.  Together, Adam and Eve sinned and were separated from God.  However, they were not separated from each other.  God’s plan to multiply the earth with offspring began with Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.

God blessed them and said to them, be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.

Genesis 1:28, NIV

 

As far as we know God didn’t leave an instruction manual behind.  Adam and Eve had to figure out this “be fruitful and multiply” thing.

Commitment in marriage is a result of making a holy covenant with God.  Each marriage partner vows before God to remain faithful to his or her partner.  Women are to submit to their husbands.

“For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands,” (1 Peter 3:5, NIV).

Husbands are to treat their wives with respect so that their prayers will not be hindered.

 

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

1 Peter 3:7, NIV

 

The scriptures are clear that sexual infidelity is wrong.  Jesus even said that any form of thought related to unfaithfulness is a sin.

“But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart”  (Matthew 5:28, NIV).

The Bible is relatively silent about what are acceptable practices in the area of sexual relations between a husband and wife.  However, Paul writes to the church in Corinth:

Now for the matters you wrote about:

It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.”  But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.  The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.  The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.  Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer.  Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

1 Corinthians 7:1-5, NIV

 

Self-control was a problem in Paul’s time too.  Not too different from today is it?

The husband and wife are to fulfill their sexual marital duties to each other.  The attitude each should take is that they do not have authority over their own bodies.  Depriving a wife or husband, except for a time of prayer, is not wise.  Self-control will become an issue at some point.  Sexual intimacy is left to the husband and the wife’s discretion.  The specifics of sexual intimacy in a marriage should honor each person, be edifying to God, and show respect for the other partner’s comfort.

I’m not a bible scholar, but it seems clear to me that God intentionally challenged the man and woman who were united in marriage to discover what is acceptable and pleasing to God and each other.  That can be very different from couple to couple.  This idea requires and shouts out to us that constant open communication must happen in a marriage, all of the time.  No exceptions, no hesitation, no reading the latest “seven steps to a fulfilling sexual relationship” book with your spouse.  The best guide is sitting down, or lying down in this case, and figuring it all out.  After all, isn’t that the best part of discovering your mates wants and desires?  Practice, practice, practice!

Okay, after that last paragraph, if you are ready to tie me to a cross and crucify me for blasphemy, you might be one of the people in church who hold back others in understanding and enjoying the gift of sex that God has provided.  Again, it was designed to be enjoyed in a spirit-filled marital union between a man and a woman.

Sex is a beautiful, God-designed experience that creates a unique bond between two committed married adults.  Marriage without healthy mutually satisfying sex is not marriage, it is cohabitation.  Marriage without faithfulness is not marriage; it is a sea of land mines waiting to be detonated.  Marriage without healthy, mutually satisfying sex is a marriage without intimacy, trust, and satisfaction and is headed for trouble.

In the next chapter we will look at the research on the Internet and addiction and how the risks have increased with its use.  Don’t think your family will be the only one who resists temptation.  Don’t simply believe that you are strong enough to resist temptation on your own.  The research shows that anyone is vulnerable.  Christians are especially at risk!

 

Father’s Day 2065

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In today’s news a rare situation was discovered in a local small community.  Authorities, investigating public security cameras in a nearby village, discovered a father playing with his children.  It what one official described as a “rare find,” father, Brian Integ, was recorded laughing with, hugging, and, what authorities believe, was mentoring his young son.

“We haven’t seen this sort of behavior in a father in a long time,” said, Sheriff Jay Monitor.  Mentoring is the rarest form of passing along positive traits to another person, and has all but disappeared, especially among men.  Sociologists and scientific research shows that it all started with fatherlessness and avoidance of fatherly duty in the early 21st century.  Studies have shown that men of the early 21st century were the first generation without male role models in their lives.  In addition, divorce and single family homes led to women having more influence on boys than men.

The father, Brian Integ, commented when interviewed, “I just thought it was time to change the cycle for my son.  I was tired of not knowing how to be a man.  I want my son to know and be able to teach his son what I didn’t learn.  Maybe it’s time for other men to do the same.”

Authorities are questioning the mental state and sanity of the father and are considering action to take the son into a more socially acceptable environment.

Open your mouth… and say “ahhhh.”

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I recently met someone who was curious about the ministry of Men Living Up. We scheduled a lunch meeting for he and his accountability partner so that we would have enough time to tell the full story. At our lunch meeting, which lasted 2 hours, I told them how God has called me to share my story with other men.

One of the things I have experienced consistently is that when I share my story, the person I am sharing with always shares their story. So far, I haven’t met a single guy who doesn’t have a story. Maybe I haven’t met the right person yet, or maybe God is just having me meet the right people. For whatever reason, guys are telling me their stories. There are so many common threads; early exposure to pornography, difficult family situations, and fatherlessness, to name just a few.

Our lunch meeting came to an end and the two men were in a mild state-of-shock. My story mirrored so much of theirs. We committed to staying in touch and checking on each other and left the meeting.

The next day one of the guys, (I’ll call him Bob) emailed me and shared that he had returned to work and a young man had approached him and asked him about the meeting. Bob shared that we had talked about the power of lust and sexual addiction. Bob shared that he had struggled with lust and sexual sin for years. (Pretty brave fella, right?) The young man’s face became pale and noticeably drawn. He walked slowly to Bob’s office door and shut it. He then proceeded to tell Bob that he had struggled with pornography for years. He was tired of the battle and wanted to overcome this but had always failed. He had never told anyone about his struggles. He asked Bob to be his accountability partner right there on the spot. Bob had experienced what we talked about at lunch within an hour of our conversation.

Men are waiting for someone to be first. So much of the Christian “walk” is not about walking at all, it’s about opening our mouth. We have to open our mouth when the Holy Spirit is speaking to us. How many opportunities have we missed because we were afraid of how the other person would react? How many lives could have been changed if we had only said what God was leading us to say?

Never had this kind of opportunity? Ask God right now to provide just one opportunity. This is a prayer God loves to answer. Be ready because it will come when you least expect it, and usually much sooner than you expect. What if Bob had just said that it was a “simple business lunch?” Would this man still be imprisoned and alone in his battle?

Remove that tongue depressor of fear and speak when the Holy Spirit tells you to.

I challenge you to “open your mouth… and say “ahhh.’

 

Generational Differences

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As I’ve been speaking to men around the country, I’ve noticed a glaring difference in generations of men.

My generation, the 40+ generation, has dealt with pornography addiction by keeping secrets, shunning the spotlight, and not talking to anyone about it.  This probably comes from our parents being so secretive and embarrassed when talking about sex.  Our parents generation was the one that looked down upon divorcees, tried to ignore homosexuality, and simply believed that you needed to just try harder or pray harder to overcome your struggles.

The younger generation of today has grown up being saturated with sexual things.  Homosexuality is openly discussed and even promoted as a part of normal society.  Are there any shows on TV today that don’t have at least one person dealing with homosexual behavior or relationships? This generation knows a lot about sex.  It’s in everything they see and it’s always in front of them.  They see examples everyday about what culture says is “okay” in sexual relationships.  When you talk to these “younger folks” they are ready and willing to talk about sexual topics and the challenges they bring.  They are not embarrassed to talk about it like my generation.  Yet, they still don’t know what to do when things get out of control.  There is a lot of “sex talk” in their world, but very little help in nurturing a healthy sexual relationship and life.  Where do they turn?

If they turn to today’s culture, or pornography, they will quickly become a victim of a destructive and self-harming lifestyle.  Out-of-control is often the phrase I hear to describe how quickly they go from a little experimentation to full-blown addiction.
We must provide examples, guidance and tools for each generation to fight and win the battle against the cultural pressure to simply “join the crowd.”  The saddest thing I hear is “everybody is doing it,” or “it doesn’t hurt anyone.”  Joining the crowd and not taking a stand leads to destruction.  Would anyone want their children to try everything that is offered in today’s world?
Stand strong, fight the fight, and win the battle.

Live’s Changed

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It is so great to see God change a man’s life.  I recently taught a venue at a men’s retreat and was so privileged to be able to share my story once again.  God is still at work in men’s hearts.  As men, we all tend to go through life distracted. We are distracted by work. We are distracted by family and recreation.  We seldom are focused on God and what He wants to do around us.  If we could only learn to pay attention to what He is doing.  Men everywhere are looking for

real relationships with other men.  They will never say this out loud, but if you really take the time to get to know someone, they want it desperately.  Men want to know if they are the only one who struggles with “guy” issues.  The truth is, most of us struggle all of the time.  We just don’t talk about it.  The struggle may be a lack of self-confidence.  It may be worry or it may be regrets.  Many men struggle with father wounds.  What do you struggle with?  Wouldn’t it be great if you had another guy that you could trust to talk to about anything?  That’s what every man needs, but few find.  I’ve been really blessed to have an accountability partner with whom I can talk about anything.  This is one of the best things that God has placed in my life.  Begin to pray that God will do the same in your life.  This is one prayer that God will definitely answer.

The Masks We Wear

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Just this week I was informed of a business acquaintance who was killed in a murder-suicide.  While I wasn’t close to this person, I still find myself with a deep sense of bewilderment and sadness.  The wife was killed by her husband, who then turned the gun on himself.

We may never know the reasons for such a tragedy.  The family has to be devastated because this woman was such a joy to be around.  She was a civic leader and never met a person she didn’t like.  Everyone who knew her says that she was the kind of person who would light up a room.  She was always kind, pleasant, professional, and cheerful.  She always showed concern for others and was keenly interested in helping others.  I’m sure all of us who knew her, even if it was from a distance, are wondering… “were there any signs” that something like this could happen?

We all go through life, moment by moment, day by day, wearing masks.  We want everyone to know that we’re okay, even when many times, we’re not.  I ask myself the question, was there anything I could have done to be available to help this beautiful wife, mother, and professional?  Would she have shared some of her struggles if only I had removed my mask?  Could I have made a difference in some way, that might have prevented this terrible outcome?  God only knows.

Upon reflection, this tragedy will cause me to pause as I encounter people.  I will do my best to help them remove their mask.  The most effective way I can help them is to remove my mask.  For most of us this is the scariest thing in the world to do.  We’d rather speak to a thousand people and be absolutely “stage-fright” frozen, than to be real with another human being.

My wife had a similar experience with a co-worker many, many years ago.  He drove into the country, hooked up an extension from his exhaust pipe to his car window, and committed suicide by carbon monoxide poisoning.  Looking back, my wife said, “he had given several people little signs or made little comments that now makes me think he was reaching out for help.  We were all too busy, or we simply didn’t want to get involved.  We weren’t willing to risk digging deeper into his personal life.  I wish now that I had paid more attention to this hurting colleague.”

Do you wear a mask?  If so, learn to express your feelings and emotions with someone you trust.  Don’t become a person who is on a “pitty party parade.”  No one likes to be around a whiner and complainer.  But, people also don’t like to be alone when they have real problems.  Take a chance and become a transparent, open and honest person.  Become someone who is willing to risk being seen for who you really are.  You may find that you become someone who can rescue a soul from a deep dark place.  Take the chance and take off your mask.

Ministry Competiton

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After one of our recent articles I received an email from another ministry that was pretty disheartening.  They accused us of taking advantage of their ministry by referring to a special type of Sunday church service that we both conduct to help churches, individuals and families.  Where did this come from I thought?

As a ministry, called by our Lord Jesus Christ, we try to accomplish our work with excellence and high integrity.  We would never knowingly do something unethical or wrong.  To be honest, I kind of took it personally!  I felt hurt and angry.  I’ve learned in my 54 years to take a deep breath, pause, get control of my emotions and never respond within the first 24 hours.  Believe me, this is truly an act of self-discipline.  In the past I would have quickly shot off an email and let this ministry know just what I thought of them.

After a few hours, a feeling of deep disappointment set in.  I was so sad that two ministries couldn’t work together to reach more people.  I was disappointed that Satan had begun to drive a wedge of competition between two ministries, that were trying to reach the same people.  Isn’t that just how he works?

After much thought and prayer I sent my letter of apology to them.  Even though we had done nothing wrong, they felt wronged.  Matthew 5:24 came to mind… “leave your gift there in front of the altar.  First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.”(NLT) How could my ministry really be blessed if I carried anger, bitterness, and a desire to compete with this other ministry?  No, I first needed to be reconciled with them.

Reconciliation can be a difficult thing.  The reality is that you can ask for forgiveness, but often times you won’t know if you have truly been forgiven.  In this case, I sent my apology letter over 6 weeks ago.  No response to date.  Should I be angry or disappointed that they didn’t accept my offer of reconciliation?  Should I hold onto bitterness that they didn’t care enough to respond?  I must find comfort in knowing that I laid my offering at the altar.  I cannot control whether the offering is picked up or used.  I must be reconciled with my feelings and emotions as much as the act of trying to reconcile.  Also, just as important, I must not go back to the altar and pick up the offering because they refused it.  If I do, the old feelings will return.  The offering was truly given to God in agreement with His scripture.  It now belongs to Him and I have no right to it.

Ministries compete all of the time.  Resources are scarce.  The economy is tough.  When funding is hard to obtain, it’s natural for us to fight for every dollar.  I hope and pray that all of us in ministry will remember that fighting amongst ourselves only damages our ministry and our reputation with each other and the world.  Instead of binding us together against the enemy, it causes a great divide.  The Lord said, “be reconciled.”  If someone has offended you, reach out and try to reconcile with them today.  It is a freeing and God ordained ministry in, and of, itself.

May God richly bless your ministry.  Let’s stand together and fight the battle.